Stop Negative Thinking: You vs Your Thoughts

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I feel better just reading the blog post headline! Don’t you?

What Are You Thinking?

How to get rid of feeling negative, stressed out, or emotionally charged is a desirable result for most of us, but not necessarily easily achieved by any of us.

Here is a simple “Ah Ha” moment to help shift your perception of how easily it really can be to accomplish.

You are NOT your thoughts.

Why is accepting this knowledge a critical first step towards freedom and success?

Once you know your thoughts, which create the feeling, are separate from the truth of who you are, you are able to make a choice whether that thought will be permitted to create a feeling inside you – negative or positive. Why?

Consider the following image and analogy:

When you are at home, people often come and knock on your door. You pause, look at who it is, and decide if you are going to let them into your home. Your home is your safe and sacred sanctuary and you don’t just let anyone in.  You may speak to them at the door if they are a stranger, or immediately invite them in if you recognize them as loving family or friends.

Now, replace you as the house itself, thoughts are the strangers or friends knocking at your door, and your decision to open or close the door is the power of choice you possess as a result of pausing to assess the quality of thoughts knocking at your door. The thoughts knocking outside your front door are not part of you in the house, but separate entities outside your home. Thoughts knocking for your permission to come inside and be part of your home require your approval and permission to enter.

How does that scenario feel to you?

Your thoughts are what create your feelings – negative or positive. Without the thought first, the feeling can not exist. This knowledge gives you power to understand by pausing and analyzing what the thought is, or what is knocking at your door, before accepting it. This is the real key to controlling how you feel.

Have you ever found yourself saying, “Why am I thinking about that?” The fact you separate yourself “why am I” from the thought “thinking that” clearly demonstrates the distinction between you and your thoughts.

You must think about what you are going to think about! It’s your choice, and easier to do, even really fun, once you are aware you can do it.


Deb Scott, BA, CPC

Deb is Author of the National Four time Award Winner Book in: Self-Help | Motivation | Best New Non-Fiction | Self-Improvement; The Sky is Green and The Grass is Blue - , a Certified Professional Coach at Discover the Amazing YOU! Coaching, and host of the Top Rated Best People We Know Show! on Blog Talk Radio. Self HelpRadio

Taking complex issues and making them easy to understand. Simple Steps to Stop Suffering Now! Now available on Kindle.

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  • Rebecca Anhalt

    I completely agree with the idea that your thoughts are separate from your identity. I find so often that people incorporate their thoughts and feelings into their identity. So often I hear “I’m just a stressed out person” But nothing could be further from the truth, they just allowed anxious thoughts in through their door!

  • Shelley Lundquist (@letmemoveyou)

    Great post, Deb! And so true. We do need to learn to select our thoughts. When those that don’t fit with who we want to be float by, we don;t have to engage. We can just let them fly on by. Every thought is written in our neurology, so if we want to be happy, we need to choose happy thoughts.

    That simple. :)

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  • Wanda Einfeldt

    Awesome post and it was easy to follow your analogy! I believe that every second is a moment to make a decision. Goes for thoughts too! (which are lots of moments/seconds put together) Thank you for sharing :)

  • Catherine E. White

    There is increasing scientific evidence too that “neurons that fire together wire together.” What this means is that if you are reinforcing negative messages to yourself, those neurons get stronger. If you direct your thoughts more positively, those neural pathways are strengthened. So, resilience in the face of adversity can be a learned response that leads to increased happiness in the long run.

    Interrupting a negative thought, replacing it with something less harsh, helps you wire your brain for next time.

    The way I think of it is that the negative thought is more often than not, an outright lie that you are telling yourself, looking at the worst possible outcome scenario. It is worth looking to see if there is something more accurate and more realistic to the situation, that leads to a positive action that you can take. Then you can start to develop a plan, and you are empowered to move in a positive direction toward your goals and aspirations.

    I hope others find that idea helpful in moving from thought to POSITIVE ACTION!

    Be well!