Grieving into Healing: Hope in Suffering

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Funeral for a Friend

It has been said, “Anyone can die, but not everyone can live.”

Funeral For a Friend

Can you relate to this?

I have been attempting to go to daily Mass for Lent (please don’t hate me because I’m Catholic!), and it just so happened the other day was a Funeral Mass for no one in particular I knew. Or did I?

As I sat through the service, I felt as though I had known “Cliff” all my life. Being in the presence of his family and friends, created a powerful visual of ME being laid in that casket, and how I would feel, what I would leave behind, when I die? We all die.

New Life from Death – What are YOU here for?

As thoughts raced through the recess of my heart, I realized there were four critical keys which seemed to last. I call them the four for living before you die.

The Journey of Your Life

The word “for” as defined by Webster’s dictionary is; “with the purpose of,” “intended to belong to or used in connection with,” “in order to obtain, gain or acquire, suiting the purpose of or needs of.”

So what on earth are YOU here for?

1.  Better for having met you?

One of my favorite quotes is,”people won’t remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.” I try to live my life so that everyone I have met is better off for the experience. Of course, this demands I live consciously, in the present moment, with active listening, and a genuine concern for my effect on every person I meet. How are people better off for having met you?

2.  More Forgiveness less Resentment?

Not living in forgiveness only hurts you. Remaining in a state of resentment is like “taking arsenic and expecting the other person to die.” It’s simply insane! Forgiveness is NOT in the feeling; it’s only in the action. If someone has wronged you (and we all have been unjustly wronged), forgiving them is simply letting them go, wishing them no ill will, not acting revengefully, and trusting that God, the Universe, your Higher Power, will take care of the justice in the given situation. Forgiveness is like a pair of scissors, which cuts you out of the web of toxicity, setting you free to fly. Forgiveness is your freedom which detaches you from recycling pain. “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional.” Who or what do you need to forgive?

3.  Less Forcing Outcomes and more Acceptance?

I don’t know about you, but most of my plans, good or bad, never turn out exactly as I planned. Some much better, some a heck of a lot worse. Are you aware you are part of the natural flow in the river of life? Accepting the way things are, instead of the way you want them to be, removes control you have to know everything. How can you truly know the long term outcome of any given situation anyway? Can you recall an event you thought for sure would be bad, which turned out great? Of course! Heroic humility allows you to be teachable in every moment, learning new ways of being, doing and feeling. Accept life on life’s terms, and embrace the possibilities. What do you need to detach from and accept today?

4.  Check your Motivation – is it always for Giving more Love?

You can do the right thing for the wrong reason, which makes it ultimately worthless to you. How can you always know the truth of a situation; check your motivation. If your motivation is self serving, for personal gain, involves pride and control, get rid of it. The only report card you’ll be getting in earth school is reflecting back on your life and determining whatever you did, did you do it with love? Check your motivation – are you doing it with love?

The best way to take your spiritual temperature on this is to identify the measurement of your internal peace vs. confusion. Where there is peace in the core of your heart, there is truth for you. This is your purpose, your call, your gift to the world. You will always be in the arms of love which lasts a lifetime when you are living in peace and truth.

Sit in the classroom of silence to listen to the words you most need to hear.

Reflecting on your death can bring new life. You are here for a necessary reason, in your circle of influence, no one else can touch the world with the exact sparkle of you. The world needs you! Get out and live with boldness and passion. How do you want to be remembered when the funeral for a friend is the friend in you?

Every End is a New Beginning

 

Deb Scott, BA, CPC is Author of the 2 x National Award Winning Book The Sky is Green and The Grass is Blue - turning your upside down world right side up!, a Certified Professional Coach at Discover the Amazing YOU! Coaching, and host of the hit new Best People We Know Show! on Blog Talk Radio.  Sign up for Debs Newsletter today!

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